Fix You by Beck Anderson

Author:Beck Anderson
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781623420475
Publisher: Omnific Publishing
Published: 2013-09-10T04:00:00+00:00

23: Oh, the Self-Doubt of It All

I SIT ON THE EDGE of the bed. I know the tears are on my face, but all I can feel is the pain under my collarbones. This is familiar. After a while, I’m too tired to feel any punier, so I lie down.

I fall asleep.

The first thing I’m aware of is the crunch of leaves under our feet. Andrew holds my hand as we walk through a dark forest. Now I can see light beyond the tree trunks, and we come out into the clearing. We’re on campus—at college, where Peter and I went to school. Andrew looks at me, and he leads us to the steps of a fraternity house. It’s Peter’s old frat. People mill around, red cups in hand. It’s a party.

Then we’re inside, weaving through the crowd. Andrew lets go of my hand, and I lose him in the crowd. My heart starts to pound. I climb narrow stairs up to the second floor, and I try one door after another. The music throbs in my ears, but I can’t make out the song. Finally a door swings open. It’s a dorm room, two beds and two desks. The air is smoky.

Andrew sits on one of the beds with a cigarette in his hand. Next to him is Franca. Her lips are painted bright red. She smiles at me and then turns to Andrew and kisses him, wrapping her arms around his neck. I shout, but neither of them pays attention. I look around for the door to leave, but it’s gone. Someone sleeps on the other bed under a thin quilt. I pull the covers back. It’s Peter. I shake him, but he won’t wake up. With no other way out, I go to the window, open it, and look down. It’s too far to jump. Suddenly Andrew is behind me, and I turn around. I lose my balance and stumble backward, tripping. I feel myself slipping out of the window, falling.

I startle awake, the sensation of falling still unsettling my stomach.

I grab a Kleenex and blow my nose. I’m shaky. I must have been crying in my sleep.

“Kelly?” Oh, no. Andrew’s here, in the great room. I can’t tell how long it’s been, how long I slept. I jump up and turn on the TV, try to straighten out my clothes.

Then he’s standing in the doorway. I turn away, ashamed of these tears. I don’t like feeling so vulnerable, so shamed.

“Are you okay?”

“Hi. I was just watching this.” Storage Wars is on. He looks at me, looks at the TV.

This would be a great time to not be stuck in his place several hours by plane away from my house. I am unwanted and stuck.

“You weren’t asleep?”

“Nope.”

“’Cause when I came home half an hour ago, I’m pretty sure you were asleep.”

I give up. “I thought you just got home.” I try to take a deep breath to stop shaking.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“Yeah.”

He comes over and sits on the edge of the bed.

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